Will it ever change?
(Please for the better).
What's this site all about? Well basically it's about me Matt Helm, the dwarven oik who lives in Lewisham and frequents Blackheath and Greenwich (that's South East London).
I will apologise now if you're here because of the secret agent thing, but that isn't me ("I'm the Matt Helm who isn't the secret agent"). Never mind, I've read the books and unfortunately I have seen the films. I hope the new films are better but I'm not holding my breath. Deano is a God however.
If you find this as exciting as having your teeth pulled then get out now. You only get warned once.
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Last Update: Wednesday 27/03/06 More Lynx updated.
If you feel the need to criticise, praise or mock you can do so here... Add Comments or View Comments, if you're trying to advertise your male enhancement product on here kindly f*ck off.
Last Update: Tuesday 04/03/03 Why do I do this?
Last Update: Wednesday 02/03/05 Who smokes? Not me... well for as long as I can last it out anyway.
Last Update: Tuesday 16/09/05 A nice arty one of Andy's kid. Beware all dial uppers - This page can be rather bandwidth intensive (although I hope it's worth it, at the very least it's got some potentially nice wallpapers).
Last Update: Wednesday 24/03/06 New Radio Station Added (don't worry, it's worth it).
Last Update: Wednesday 15/03/06 My real CV Has finally been added.
Last Update: Tuesday 18/12/02 A new (well now old) era in laziness, so much so that I've published my efforts (or lack of) on the web.
Last Update: Dunno? An add on Geocities page where I can vent my spleen from anywhere!
(No Spam Required Thanks).
All written stuff, photos, sounds (none yet but eventually?) images, graphics and the whole matthelm.net experience are created by and copyright of Matt Helm 2002-2005. Obviously I didn't create what you see in the photos, like ducks an' that (that would be un-natural) but you get the idea.