A way of life.


Yep, I've come to admit that after having this web space for just under a year, I've not really done anything with it. So, rather than admit defeat... I'll celebrate my laziness.


It's a long road seldom travelled (obviously) but what with work, travel, busy weekends, illness, visitors... in-laws, out-laws, and hangers on, open pubs, the Playstation2, good DVDs, silly internet sites and general lethargy. There really hasn't been much time to work on my ongoing bathroom project.

Don't you think that "project" sounds so much better than "a quick ol' tosh up"?

The Bedroom:

It's hardly worthy of a mention, so smooth and effortless that it was. Just a shame that I had to wait 3 years till I got a matching carpet.

The Living Room:

One of my real successes! It only took about 3 months. Yep, I know that sounds like a short amount of time to turn a pigs ear in to a silk purse, but unbelievably there was very little effort required, what with four walls to paint (oooh don't forget the ceiling too).

Before and After: 

Mmmm Nice subtle yellow    Much better huh?

The Bathroom:

Now... This is my masterpiece! In fact the flash animation was after the second day of working on it.

Don't get me wrong... I worked hard on it, REALLY hard on it. In fact it came at a point where I was traveling at least 1.5hrs to work doing a full shift (plus some) and then another 1.5 back (the full 19.5 miles--F***in' London traffic for you) so I was shattered before I even started.

Anyway I'm deviating... Where was I?

Oooh yeah, well I started by getting in a plumber in to take out the old bath and toilet etc. which in itself was a bit of a nightmare (bits missing, wrong bits and every plumber's merchant in South London and Kent visited to get a normally everyday plastic tubey-type thing).

For the decoration and mosaic tiling bit I enlisted a friend to help me out who makes murals and mosaics for a living, on the proviso that I supplied beer and... well more beer. Unfortunately he also wanted paying, but then, I wanted it done and he knew what he was doing (possibly the first time and last time I ever say that about Nathan).

So along comes the next weekend where I was supposed to have the bathroom stripped of the old tiles and sure enough, there it sat immaculately covered in tiles. We set about it with gusto and didn't stop from eight in the morning till 11:30 the Saturday night.

Trust him... He knows what he's doing??????

Eight o'clock the following morning the walls re-plastered and dry, the first tiles went up... 

They're up but it don't mean a thing...

We stopped again at around eleven that evening and two days of blood sweat and tears later we had a partially tiled bathroom, no floor and my other half returning from a weekend in sunny Scotland at around 2 in the morning.

Did I mention that the shower unit didn't get fitted for 6 months?

14 MONTHS AND COUNTING............................



You won't believe this BUT... yes well we're moving, so I researched all around for the best people at the right price to get the job done (admit defeat, you know it's good for you) I searched high and low for the best people at the best price and was just getting to the point of choosing when I got a phone call to tell me that she had got her mate's boyfriend to do it...

Still, never one to take credit away when credit's due, the girl done good, and we now have movement after 14 months of inactivity.

The latest....

Fuck me... something's been done!!!

Well, I know it doesn't look much but... the bath has been boxed in, the floor has been leveled (yeah I know maybe the bathroom should have been too) and the grout is nearly off (30% Acid did it) but believe me, if you'd seen it before you'd know how much it's come on.


31/10/02 - Second day and more progress

The window is looking great, the ceiling has been painted and even more grout has come off, we have one more day to go and then it's done!!


Nearly there then, and proof positive that it's much better to get someone else to do it than to do it yourself.

P.S. The Outlaws are but a mere week away...


Yep, I feel exhausted and I didn't even do anything. It just goes to show that supervising is a very stressful job.

He he hee... I'll be able to get away with peeing on the floor now!

I've now spent 14 months and hundreds... actually thousands on this and now I think a well earned rest is required. I'm sure I'll be able to, as the other half now thinks I'm not to be trusted with even a paint brush. It took a lot of time and money but I think it was all worth it (Oh, and the bathroom's pretty good too).



Yep, It all went too well, just 23 hours after it was completed, we got a water leak. Suffice to say that the floor's not as pristine as it was and it happily coincided with the outlaws arriving... general guests... and others who managed to just sneak in (Gawd knows who they were?)

So at one point I was cleaning the floor every 10 minutes and wanting to sew up everyone's bladders.

Never again!

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All written stuff, photos, sounds (none yet but eventually?) images, graphics and the whole experience are created by and copyright of Matt Helm 2002/4. Obviously I didn't create what you see in the photos, like clouds an' that but you get the idea.